Motherhood Uncorked - Dare to Compare

Dare to compare (every little step) 1/28/2013

When you have a second child you are told right from the beginning you should not compare them. “It’s not fair”, “all children are different”..”yadda, yadda, yadda” I say. So, if it’s so bad why do we inevitably do it so much?

If someone says to me– “Wow – Matty has so many teeth already” I immediately fire back with – “So did Will”. When they comment on his having so little hair – I again regularly reply – “Neither did his brother – but it’s sure easy to take care of”. I guess having two boys so close in age makes the comparisons inevitable. I sometimes have to think about which little guy I am speaking about when asked certain developmental questions.

But when you move beyond physical characteristics you can quickly see the differences in who they are as people. Will, from day one, was obsessed with being read to. He loves and memorizes multiple books. Matty, was less interested in the printed word. It was very obvious with his body language that he was not with the program. Just recently he has begun to shown an interest in books. He has two books that he seems to love the most and practically yells at you if you try to read anything else.

Matty on the playground

Will helping with the firewood

Matty practicing his moves.

One area in particular where they are defiantly different is walking. Matty at 11 months is already moving with some success by his own two feet. He’s no marathoner by any means, but he is motivated to see all and to be near all ~ and has the bumps and bruises to prove it!

I laugh as he pushes his walker around the house. How he looks now, is how he’ll look as an old man: walker, diapers, missing teeth, eating mushy food, and difficulty in communicating. (And as a total flirt he’ll be chasing all the nurses in the home.) I don’t need to be alive to see it then , I totally see it now.

Will was not what anyone would describe as motivated to walk. He had this cool and unique crawl with his right leg extending out straight to the side. He looked like he was balanced on a tripod and would launch himself to get where he was going. He was incredibly fast but ruined many right shoes. Even as his younger friends would move past him and leave the Neanderthal knuckle dragging behind, he waited, he crawled. I would joke he believed we were his staff and it was our duty to provide transport. When the day finally arrived – at 16 months- he stood up and did a perfect walk. I am convinced he was practicing in his crib at night…

Will practicing for the big reveal (Sept '11)!

A shared love - the swings!.

So this major difference is easy to draw upon, Matty is our bulldog and Will is our steady (birth order anyone??). I think it will be my duty to keep looking at their differences and celebrating them. I’m sure it is hard for siblings, especially of the same gender, to be champions in their own realm. I remember two brothers, 1 year apart, who attended the high school where I used to work. The older brother, the athlete, was accepted at a division 1 football school, the younger brother, the musician, accepted to the Berkley School of Music. Those parents knew what they were doing; too bad I don’t have their number!

As they age, I will try to remind myself that each is their own man (and not just my little men) and that they will grow in ways that makes sense to them, if not necessary to me. My job is to support and help them discover their individual talents and traits that will make for a happy life and provide them those great stories to share in the old folks home.